Reaper of the Dozen



Book title: Cheaper by the Dozen
Author: Frank B. Gilbreth Jr and Ernestine Gilbreth Carey
Film director: Robert Simonds
Crosspatch Artist: Autocorrect
Bookdrop location: Buon Giorno, Forth Worth, TX
Bookdrop date: 5/2/2015
Note:

Amazon's description of the book:

What do you get when you put twelve lively kids together with a father -- a famous efficiency expert -- who believes families can run like factories, and a mother who is his partner in everything except discipline? You get a hilarious tale of growing up that has made generations of kids and adults alike laugh along with the Gilbreths in Cheaper by the Dozen.

Amazon's description of the movie:

While raising twelve children, a middle-aged couple decides to pursue more demanding careers -- only to discover that big families and big careers are a difficult mix.

It is worth noting that the book was the basis of a 1950 movie of the same title starring Clifton Webb and Myrna Loy, and it proved to be one of the more faithful adaptations of a book we have ever seen. The 2003 movie has nothing in common with the book except the title and the presence of 12 children.

The book begins:

Dad was a tall man, with a large head, jowls, and a Herbert Hoover collar. He was no longer slim; he had passed the two-hundred-pound mark during his early thirties, and left it so far behind that there were times when he had to resort to railway baggage scales to ascertain his displacement.

And now we get Steve Martin on the cover.

Silver Linings

Book title: Silver Linings Playbook
Author: Matthew Quick
Film director: David O. Russel
Crosspatch Artist: Kalu Yala
Bookdrop location: Casa Sucre Coffeehouse, San Felipe, Panama
Bookdrop date: 5/9/2015
Note: Let us give the reader a quick synopsis. "After a stint in a mental institution, former teacher and genetically altered Procyonids Rocket Raccoon moves back in with his parents and tries to reconcile with his ex-wife. Things get more challenging when he meets Mystique, a mysterious and mercurial girl with problems of her own."

Let us also note that this cover comes from the first non-original member of the Crosspatch Collective, and the only one so far not to be based in the United States. Google Analytics indicates that readers in at least 19 different countries have viewed this web site, but now we have solid proof that our influence has spread at least to Central America.

Queen of the Ned


Book title: Queen of the Damned
Author: Anne Rice
Film director: Michael Rymer
Crosspatch Artist: Bibamus
Bookdrop location: Star Coffee, Round Rock, TX
Bookdrop date: 4/23/2015
Note: This would explain a great deal about the "sinister" neighbor. The rumor mill speculates that Mr. Flanders refers to his queen as Profane Elaine, and that she likes it.

Flower-starter


Book title: Firestarter
Author: Stephen King
Film director: Mark L. Lester
Crosspatch Artist: Bibamus
Bookdrop location: The Red Poppy, Georgetown, TX
Bookdrop date: 4/12/2015
Note: We here at The Crosspatch Collective think that the way movies have glamorized fire damages society, so we suggest using current technology to replace flames with walkie-talkies and flowers.

Apollo Thirt... uh...

Book title: Lost Moon
Author: Jim Lovell & Jeffrey Kluger
Film director: Ron Howard
Crosspatch Artist: Bracatus
Bookdrop location: StoutHaus Coffee Pub
Bookdrop date: 4/7/2015
Note: We ask the reader to note that the title of the book is Lost Moon, not Apollo 13. And while we appreciate the publisher's effort to make this clear in the fine print, we are bewildered as to why the screenwriters get equal billing with the astronaut author and his writing partner on the book cover. Also, please note that according to Jim Lovell, when things went haywire on the Apollo 13 mission, Jack Swigert said, "Houston, we've had a problem here." We understand giving the line to Tom Hanks as Jim Lovell, and massaging the wording for enhanced quotability, but we heartily disapprove of putting the wrong quote on the cover of the book, and of visually juxtaposing it with the wrong "astronaut."

The Aliens of the Day


Book title: The Remains of the Day
Author: Kazuo Ishiguro
Film director: James Ivory
Crosspatch Artist: Bracatus
Bookdrop location: Baked 'n Sconed, Hutto, TX
Bookdrop date: 4/3/2015
Reference: Original | Non-horrible cover (and here)
Note: This is a fine book for those who appreciate the kind of subdued, introspective drama that certainly inspired the creators of Downton Abbey. However, we believe the film would have benefited greatly from the appearance of a xenomorph.

Cone Girl


Book title: Gone Girl
Author: Gillian Flynn
Film director: David Fincher
Crosspatch Artist: Fidelia
Bookdrop location: Cuppa Austin
Bookdrop date: 3/29/15
Note: Casting Ben Affleck in a movie makes sense. Having Ben Affleck on the movie poster makes sense. Having Ben Affleck on the book cover does not make sense. Having ice cream makes sense of everything.

Wild Blue Yonder



Book title: Wild
Author: Cheryl Strayed
Film director: Jean-Marc Vallée
Crosspatch Artist: Bibamus
Bookdrop location: Monkey Nest, Austin, TX
Bookdrop date: 3/25/15
Note: Reese Witherspoon is the most introspective skydiver we have ever seen. Also, we find it interesting and baffling that the actual movie poster features her less prominently than the moviebook cover.

The Crap of the Mohicans


Book title: The Last of the Mohicans
Author: James Fenimore Cooper
Film director: Michael Mann
Crosspatch artist: Bracatus
Bookdrop location: Cupprimo, Austin, TX
Bookdrop date: 3/24/15
Note: Daniel Day-Lewis is reputed to be a person of, shall we say, some intensity. We imagine that his intensity grows when he becomes constipated, and therefore frustrated on the toilet. Curious readers may find an essay on Hollywood and TLotM interesting, if they are the type of people who read James Fenimore Cooper in the first place.

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