The Cloistered Vandal

Knights and Rodents

Posted on February 11th, 2016

Filed under: Bracatus, Nicholas Sparks, Diane Lane, Richard Gere

Book title: Nights in Rodanthe

Author: Nicholas Sparks

Film director: George C. Wolfe

Crosspatch Artist: Bracatus

Bookdrop location: TBD

Bookdrop date: TBD

Reference: Original | Non-horrible cover

Note: He insisted that he was a mouse, not a rat. She earnestly believed that, in spite of a minor flesh wound, she possessed two working arms. They were doomed to live out their denial-filled days isolated and alone. But in the Land of Sparks everyone is a lover, and anything is possible.

Also, please notice the links at the top of this page. We are on Facebook and Instagram, both accounts being run by Crosspatch artist Bibamus. Please follow and like if you are so inclined, as Bibamus succumbs easily to discouragement when engagement numbers are low.

A Base Jump to Remember

Posted on February 1st, 2016

Filed under: Mandy Moore, Shane West, Nicholas Sparks, Mr The Martian

Book title: A Walk to Remember

Author: Nicholas Sparks

Film director: Adam Shankman

Crosspatch Artist: Mr. The Martian

Bookdrop location: TBD

Bookdrop date: TBD

Reference: Original | Non-horrible cover

Note: Landon and Jamie were not destined to be together, but only because there is no such thing as destiny. Circumstances of life forced them together, of course, as circumstances are wont to do, but each of them had choices to make. Would they get together? Would they stay together? Would they take that long leap into the future together? And, perhaps most importantly, would they take that leap from building, antenna, span, or earth?

The Stormbook

Posted on August 20th, 2015

Filed under: Fidelia, Rachel Mcadams, Ryan Gosling, Nicholas Sparks

Book title: The Notebook

Author: Nicholas Sparks

Film director: Nick Cassavetes

Crosspatch Artist: Fidelia

Bookdrop location: Epoch Coffee, Austin, TX

Bookdrop date: 12/1/2015

Reference: Original | Non-horrible cover

Note: "We go now to our meteorologist on the scene for first-hand coverage of tropical storm Sparks. Victor?"

"Thanks, Peter. This storm is unlike any I have ever seen in my life. It seems to be centered around two transcendentally beautiful people. The sun is setting behind them, silhouetting them in spite of the rain clouds, and yet still somehow illuminating their angelic faces and bodies that rival the sculptures of Michelangelo. I normally am disgusted by the sight of people kissing in public, but the way the man's white shirt clings to his skin, and the woman's (wholly unnecessary) makeup complements her perfect face while remaining impervious to the precipitation, well... honestly, I could look at this all day. Back to you, Peter."

"Thank you, Victor. We will continue to monitor this storm carefully. Victor, if you could just move a few steps to your left, we will be able to better... understand the... conditions... out there."

Tramp Haven

Posted on August 20th, 2015

Filed under: Bracatus, Julianne Hough, Josh Duhamel, Nicholas Sparks

Book title: Safe Haven

Author: Nicholas Sparks

Film director: Lasse Hallström

Crosspatch Artist: Bracatus

Bookdrop location: TBD

Bookdrop date: TBD

Reference: Original | Non-horrible cover

Note: For them, it was nothing but an ordinary day on an ordinary weekend, but for her, there was something revelatory about the notion that wonderful moments like these existed. And that maybe, just maybe, it would be possible for her to experience the spaghetti kiss she had been dreaming about since childhood. When she looked up at him, it was suddenly easy for her to imagine that her fears were pointless. That he would love her no matter what she told him, and that he was the kind of man who loved her already and would always, no matter what, give her the last meatball.

The Lucky One

Posted on July 27th, 2015

Filed under: Bracatus, Taylor Schilling, Zac Efron, Nicholas Sparks

Book title: The Lucky One

Author: Nicholas Sparks

Film director: Scott Hicks

Crosspatch Artist: Bracatus

Bookdrop location: Cupprimo, Austin, TX

Bookdrop date: 11/12/2015

Reference: Original | Non-horrible cover

Note: We have not read this book. We have not seen this film. We have eaten this cereal, and we approve. Of the marshmallows, at least. And of Alison Krauss.

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